Smile at the Gold Blue Sky
by BloodOrangeSoda
Summary: Raven has a ridiculous, obsessive crush on one of the sons of Brendan Reed, the farmer who lives next door. First step, getting Lloyd to notice his existence. The rest will just fall into place, right?


**Warnings**: Foul language, smut, voyeurism, weird stalker Raven**  
>Disclaimer<strong>: Fire Emblem does not belong to me.**  
>Notes<strong>: The fourth fic in my series of hooking up Raven with every eligible guy in Fire Emblem. Believe me, there are so many more where this came from.

Yeah I don't know where my obsession with Raven/Lloyd came from.

_Prologue_

There is a field next to Raven's house. It's a large field, stretching at least two miles from one end to the other, with row upon row of every kind of vegetable that can grow in this climate. Squash, tomatoes, beans, potatoes, garlic, Swiss chard, beets, lettuce, turnips, onions – it's all there in neatly weeded beds. The field takes a lot of upkeep from the farmer who lives next door. Raven knows this, because he has a ridiculous, obsessive crush on one of the farmer's sons.

He knows many things about the farm because he watches the farmer's son from his window, and even more about the man himself, more than he would ever admit to anyone. It's shameful, the amount of information he can rattle off at the top of his head based on observation alone.

The man's name is Lloyd. Raven knows this because he heard the farmer calling to him from the other side of the cucumber bed. He knows the man is the farmer's son because he called the man Father back. He knows the man played football and hockey at his high school because of the shirts he wears, and that he graduated two years before because one of them said "CLASS OF 2009" on the back. He knows that he works on the farm between semesters at the University of Etruria.

Lloyd sneaks cigarettes under the oak tree on Raven's side of the field when he's stressed. He wears a crooked grin when he feels sheepish, and he has no idea that the girl with green hair who brings them lemonade has a schoolgirl crush on him. He's close with his brother Linus, the other man who takes care of the field.

Lloyd can drive a stick shift. He knows how to throw a baseball, and keeps his head in a crisis, and loves classic rock and folk rock the best of all music genres. He doesn't talk back to his father, though he doesn't exactly scold Linus when he does.

His laugh is quiet and brief, and it makes Raven shiver all over when he hears it. He has bright eyes and a perpetual half-smile, and his skin gleams from sun and sweat, muscles flexing as he weeds or mulches or whatever. He's tan from the constant sun exposure, and Raven wants to run his tongue over every curve of his body, dig his nails into those broad shoulders as Lloyd pounds into him.

Normally Raven is content to watch him chastely, desire burning low in his belly. Only twice has he been so overcome with lust that he took himself in hand and watched, the coil under his skin going tighter and tighter until he spilled out into his fist, Lloyd's name on his lips. Once, when Lloyd was mulching shirtless and the men got caught in a thunderstorm. They rushed through the rest of the bed, knowing they had to finish before the onions got too wet and rotted, and Lloyd's shorts clung in all the right places, droplets of water sluicing in rivulets down his perfect back.

The other time, even Raven has to be slightly ashamed of. He hadn't meant to watch – had gone so far as to draw his curtains and leave the room when he'd first seen it. But the thought of seeing Lloyd like that had drawn him back, and he'd watched furtively, biting his lip with his hand slipped under the elastic of his shorts.

It happened late one night. Headlights swept across Raven's bedroom wall and he'd peeked outside, concerned that someone was sneaking onto the farm after hours. But he found Lloyd's car there, a black Ford F150 that he washed until it shone every Sunday, though it dulled with dust and mud over the course of the week. The man had parked and gotten out, saying something over his shoulder to the dark-haired girl in the passenger seat. She had followed him, gently shutting the car door behind her, and he had led her to the clearing _right next to Raven's house_.

They lay down, heads angled towards each other, and whispered together as they looked up at the stars. Raven would have gagged at the sickly sweet sentimentality of it, but he was too busy absorbing the way Lloyd's eyes glittered in the moonlight, bright against his shadowed skin and hair.

The girl had initiated it, Raven remembers. She turned his face towards her with a delicate hand on his cheek and kissed him, soft and sweet. He returned it. Then it had turned less soft, less sweet, tongues tangling and hands roaming. The girl rolled over Lloyd, straddling his waist, and he rested one hand on her hips, the other hand slipped up the back of her shirt to undo the clasp of her bra. With a coy smile, she took off her shirt.

That was when Raven had left. Then, two minutes later, when it sunk in that Lloyd would probably be taking off his shirt as well, he came back.

By the time he returned, the girl was peppering kisses over Lloyd's bare chest, slowly working her way lower. Raven hardly breathed as she unbuttoned his jeans. Then his breath left his lungs in a heavy whoosh when she delicately removed Lloyd's boxers and sank her mouth over his hardened cock.

Lloyd arched his back, a cry torn from his lips, and Raven went instantly, blindingly hard. He shoved his hand down his shorts and wrapped his fingers around his cock, leaning against the window. The chilled glass felt amazing against his flushed face.

Strong, callused fingers twined in the girl's hair and she looked up without pulling off his cock, eyebrows raised. He said something to her. Raven _ached_ with the desire to hear those words, to know what Lloyd would say when he had cool grass at his back and a mouth on his dick. She smiled and redoubled her efforts, bobbing her head. She was only able to get halfway down his cock before gagging; she pulled back, replacing her mouth with her hand as she coughed. Lloyd pushed up onto his elbows and smiled at her.

Raven frowned. He would have given a better blowjob than that, he was sure of it. He wouldn't leave Lloyd so underwhelmed – Lloyd would be panting, gasping, writhing under his mouth, eyes squeezed shut, uncontrollably moaning Raven's name. He hoped, at least. But he was sure Lloyd would at least make some noise for him instead of watching with a smile. After all, Raven knew how to deep throat a cock. This girl barely used any technique at all.

Still, Lloyd was gorgeous like this, all shifting muscle and bare skin. Raven would take what he could get. Besides – Raven groaned at the sight – Lloyd pulled the girl up then, rolling the pair over to show off the span of his naked back to his admirer, though he didn't know it. He dug something from his pocket and fumbled with it in front of his body, out of Raven's sight. Then, easy and smooth, he pushed into the girl, her skirt flipped up to allow him entrance.

Oh Christ.

Raven couldn't have cared less about the girl. The way she squirmed under Lloyd was irrelevant to him. All he cared about was the play of corded muscles in the moonlight, the steady rhythm of the man's thrusts. He pumped his cock in tandem with the blond's motions, biting on the flesh of his palm to keep from moaning. He wasn't afraid of Lloyd hearing, but the sound would break the silence in his house. He didn't want to be startled. The spell that Lloyd had him under would be shattered, and he couldn't let that happen.

The thrusts were coming faster now. Lloyd buried his face in the girl's breasts and panted against her skin, his hips steadily pushing in and out, frantic yet controlled. Sweat glistened on his skin. Raven's cock was so hard it almost hurt, and he jacked it desperately, wanting to come with Lloyd. Christ, he wished he were in that girl's place, getting fucked by Lloyd. He would sell his soul to feel those kisses on his chest or those thumbs digging into his hips as the blond fucked him harder and harder with every roll of his hips. He _wanted_, more than he'd ever wanted anything in his life.

He didn't quite finish with Lloyd, though coming hard and then watching Lloyd shake and slump over her while in a dazed afterglow was just as good. Someday, he vowed, though he didn't believe it himself. Someday he would experience that. Lloyd would smile like that at him, sated and happy.

That was the second time he jerked off watching Lloyd. Not to say he doesn't jerk off _thinking_ of Lloyd, but that's a different story entirely.

And so he spends his summers all through high school up until the first half of the summer between his junior and senior year. His every day is plagued by thoughts of the blond, as well as his every night. He dreams of a day when Lloyd will look at him and smile that smile, however little he honestly believes it will ever happen.

But that's only the necessary back-story to the interesting part of the tale. The story really begins on June 15, when Lucius calls him and asks him to pick up some tomatoes on his way over to dinner at his blond friend's house.

He writes the date up on his calendar later.

_June 15, 2011_

"Yes. I'm getting tomatoes. Three pounds. Red. Yes, they look ripe. Oh Christ, are you still talking." Raven says dryly into the phone.

The green-haired girl who brings the men lemonade giggles. She's ringing him up at the cashier's station. Exactly three pounds of tomatoes rest on the scale. Lucius has to stop hassling him about this. He knows how to buy goddamn tomatoes.

"Sorry," he mutters, covering up the speaker with his hand.

"It's fine," the girl says, beaming at him. "Your total is $9.12. Would you like a bag for that?"

"If you could." He says, fishing out his credit card.

She ducks under the counter for a bag.

"Nino!" A rich male voice calls from the area behind the vegetable stand.

Raven goes tense all over.

"I'm helping a customer!" The girl yells back.

Instead of taking that as a cue to wait, the male apparently feels the best course of action would be to join her. Footsteps approach from the back. By the time the man reaches the front, Raven isn't breathing. He stares, wide-eyed and awestruck, as Lloyd rounds the corner.

Lloyd is really fucking hot up close, he thinks. The distance between Raven's house and the field doesn't do the broadness of his shoulders justice. Also, hello, fucking hotass goatee doesn't show from half a mile away. His eyes are just as bright and warm as Raven imagined. All in all, if Lloyd weren't already the center attraction of nearly every one of Raven's dreams, he would be now. The words '_take me, oh Christ, take me now_' echo so loudly in Raven's mind that he wouldn't be surprised if Lloyd can hear them telepathically.

Apparently not, because Lloyd barely spares Raven a glance before grinning at Nino and showing her the contents of his hands. "Look what I found in the field."

She peeks into his cupped hands and gasps. "Oh Lloyd, can I keep it?"

Carefully, he deposits the coiled up garden snake into her hands. "I don't think so, baby girl. Just wanted you to see it before I released it back into the wild." He looks up and sees Raven. Something seems to flicker across his face, but hell if Raven can tell what it is. "Hi," he says.

"Hi," Raven replies, a little breathlessly.

They stare at each other for a moment. The green-haired girl looks back and forth between them, then giggles. It breaks the daze they're in, and Lloyd smiles and opens his mouth to say something when Raven's phone rings again.

"Shit," he says, fumbling with his phone. If this is Lucius, he's going to kill him. He just had to be interrupted right when Lloyd was about to say something, god knows what. Fuck his life.

But it's his boss, and Raven mouths, "Sorry," to Lloyd and Nino as he picks up the call. "Raven Cornwell here," he says on impulse, just to give Lloyd his name without being too forward about it. "Yes sir, I already turned in the Renais file. It should be on your desk." He checks the time and grimaces; he's already late to Lucius' house, fuck.

"Thanks," he says to Nino, waving at both of them before turning to go to his SUV. Right before he gets in, he turns to look at Lloyd one last time.

Lloyd is still looking back.

Raven has to hide his smile as he drives away.

_June 18, 2011_

Raven returns to the farm that Saturday afternoon. He's on his way back from the gym, hair damp from showering, and his hands angle the steering wheel to turn into the stand parking lot without any direction from his brain. The green-haired girl – Nino – is working again, pulling tomatoes from a basket and placing them on the table in front of the stand.

He pulls up and parks, grabbing his wallet from his gym bag as he gets out of the car. As he approaches, Nino looks up. Her mouth drops open. "Hey!" She says, setting down the basket. She goes behind the counter and fiddles with something out of his view.

Raven strolls as slowly as he dares around the stand, skimming his fingers over the wooden rims to the bins that overflow with vegetables. He doesn't know what he was hoping for, pulling in here. Lloyd doesn't work at the stand; he and his brother are the muscle of the farm, the workers behind the scenes.

Only all of a sudden, he hears the familiar deep voice of Lloyd in the back. "Nino!" He calls.

"What?" She yells back.

He comes up to the front, wiping dirt from his hands onto a rag. "Jaffar and I unloaded the van. He has to drive back out to Bern to help finish harvesting the corn. Want to say goodbye before he goes?"

"I have a customer," Nino says, clearly wavering.

"No worries. I'll take care of him," the blond smiles.

_Please, oh please, take care_ _of me,_ Raven's libido begs while he wrestles his expression into one of apathy.

"Thanks, Lloyd," Nino says, shooting Lloyd a smirk before running to the back.

"No problem." He turns that fuck-me smile onto Raven. "Anything I can help you with?"

Brain scrambling for an excuse to initiate conversation, the best Raven can come up with right off the bat is, "What's the difference between Swiss chard and bok choy?"

Twenty minutes later, he knows everything there is to know about vegetables, and Lloyd thinks he's some sort of obsessive health freak because he can't seem to find anything to talk about except sweet corn and potato rot. But the blond is still wearing that smile like he can't help himself so Raven can't be too embarrassed.

Unfortunately, that's when Lloyd's phone buzzes with a text. He checks it and grimaces. "Sorry, Father needs me in the greenhouse. Anything else I can answer before I go?"

"No, I think I'm good," Raven says, instead of '_What would it take to get you to fuck me_?' like he wants to.

Iron willpower, seriously.

"Alright." Lloyd nods as he heads to the back. "See you, Raven."

Raven accidentally bites his tongue. Lloyd remembers his name. Lloyd remembers his fucking name after hearing it in passing one time. That has to be a good sign, right?

Lloyd must see something in his expression, because he goes wide-eyed and scrambles to explain, "I have a good memory for names. Raven Cornwell, right? It's nothing personal."

"Of course not," Raven agrees, hiding a smile. Lloyd's so fucking cute. "I'll see you around, Lloyd…"

Lloyd grins. "Reed. Lloyd Reed. Bye," he says, and he's gone.

Raven has a really good feeling about this.

_June 22, 2011_

The next time he stops by is Wednesday after work. It's five thirty, and Nino light up with a smile when she sees him. "Hi!" She chirps, messing with her cell phone.

"Hi," Raven says. He grabs a bunch of basil just so it looks like he's there for a legitimate reason, rather than crazy stalking. That wouldn't go over well.

Three minutes into his careful perusal of the tomato table, Lloyd walks into the front. He's wearing a t-shirt and jeans, walking barefoot on the concrete floor. "Father decided to get in one last sweep of the lettuce patch," he says, ruffling Nino's hair. "Want to wash it? There are only 10 crates."

"Why don't you – Oh," Nino says, cutting herself off. "Yeah, okay!" She trots off to the back.

Raven's pretty sure he's smirking, but he isn't about to feel his lips to check. Just, he thinks he knows why Lloyd isn't washing them himself. He thinks he might have something to do with that.

"Hey," he says.

"Hey," Lloyd returns, grinning at him. He hoists himself onto the counter, leaning back with his hands splayed out on the wooden surface for balance. "How're you?"

"I'm good." Raven says. He can't wrestle his gaze away from Lloyd's chest. The cloth of his t-shirt is pulled tight over his pecs. His biceps are _sculpted_. Christ, Raven wants.

Lloyd shifts under his gaze, reminding Raven that staring lustfully at other people's bodies isn't considered socially appropriate. "UE?" He asks, seeing the school logo emblazoned across Lloyd's chest. Gives him a reason to be looking at it, even if it doesn't explain why he was staring for so long.

"I'm going into my third year," Lloyd replies. "Political science major. You?"

Raven flushes. "Oh, I'm going to be a senior in high school."

Lloyd raises his eyebrows. "No shit? I thought you were older than that."

"I act old," Raven shrugs.

"You do," Lloyd says, nodding. "But don't you work for a lawyer or something?"

"Eliwood Pherae," Raven says, surprised. He's in his work clothes – a white button-down shirt, slacks, and a tie – but he can't imagine that's how Lloyd guessed.

"Of Pherae, Ostia & Caelin?" Lloyd says, impressed.

Raven nods. "Yes. How did you know I worked for him?"

Lloyd looks away. "You said something about leaving the Renais file on his desk."

Raven swallows hard. "You remember that?"

"I have a good memory." Lloyd says, though it sounds different this time. Lower. Flirtatious, almost, if Raven's not imagining things.

"Nothing personal, though." Raven licks his lips.

Lloyd smiles. "Right," he agrees, his eyes glinting wickedly.

"I'm an intern," Raven explains, remembering how this conversation started. "I work mostly in the summer. During the school year, I work weekends for him."

"So what, are you shopping for your parents?" Lloyd asks. "If you're in high school, you must live at home."

Raven feels something closing off in his gaze. It's unintentional, but he's so used to being guarded by this point that it comes as second nature. "I'd rather not talk about it," he says, somewhat stiffly.

Lloyd sits up, going tense. "Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to offend you," he says.

"It's fine," Raven says.

"No, I shouldn't have pried," Lloyd says, biting his lip. He clearly feels awful about it, which makes Raven thaw, if only slightly.

"It's fine," he repeats, letting his voice soften. "I'm not offended."

Lloyd shakes his head. "Either way, I'm sorry. Here, let me check you out." He holds out his hands.

Unfortunately, while this serves as an adequate subject change, it also means Raven no longer has a reason to hang around looking at him. He hands over his produce and Lloyd rings him up. Raven pays, and that's it.

"Well, bye," Lloyd says, waving him off.

"Bye," Raven says, nodding as he leaves.

Lloyd goes into the back, but not before Raven can see clear frustration on his face. He has to smile slightly. Poor Lloyd had no idea what he was walking into when he asked about Raven's parents. It's cute, how bad he feels about it. Raven's so endeared that he can't sink into depression like he normally would when reminded of their deaths, which is pretty amazing in and of itself.

He decides to come back the next day.

_June 29, 2011_

This time, he's there for a legitimate reason. Lucius has heard that the beef from Lloyd's family's farm is the best locally raised meat in the area, and he asked Raven to pick up some on the way to his house. Raven isn't about to say no to that request.

Only, when he tries to open the door to the freezer, it won't slide. Apparently it's stuck. He gives it another tug.

"Oh, let me help you with that," Nino says brightly. She takes hold of the handle and pulls. It still doesn't open, though Raven is unsurprised. It doesn't look like Nino was trying very hard to make it work.

"I can probably –" Raven offers. He stretches out his hand in offering. He's pretty strong; he's sure he can get it if he puts his back into it.

"No!" She exclaims. "No, it's fine!"

He frowns. She sounds a little frantic, which confuses him. Why is it so important that he doesn't help her get the cooler open?

The reason becomes clear when she says, laughter in her voice, "Here, let me go get Lloyd to help with it."

Raven steps back with no more protest. He's willing to feign being a damsel in distress if it gets Lloyd out of the field and into his near vicinity.

He looks around while he waits. There are other customers there this time, which vaguely annoys him. How is he supposed to flirt with Lloyd for a half hour if there are other people around? That's just awkward.

The blond shows up in dirt-encrusted khakis and a long-sleeve shirt. "Mulching," he tells Raven, who must look perplexed or something. It's like 90 degrees, why the hell is Lloyd wearing so much clothing? Matter of fact, why is he wearing clothing at all? If he went naked, Raven is willing to bet no one would complain.

"Mulching?" He echoes. The last time he saw Lloyd mulch, the man was shirtless, which was fine with him.

"The load of hay we got in is covered in poison ivy," Lloyd explains. "Had to cover all my skin."

Raven takes a step away.

"Relax, you won't get it from brushing against my clothing," Lloyd says with an amused eye roll. "But I won't touch you if it makes you feel better."

_It would be worth it_, Raven doesn't say. He points to the freezer. "It's stuck," he says.

"Yeah, that happens. Let me get it." Lloyd grasps the handle and heaves, and the freezer door wrenches open, letting cool air waft out.

"Thanks." Raven says.

Lloyd flashes a grin. "No problem. I'm used to being called to open jars and shit."

"Part of being an older brother," Raven nods.

Lloyd cocks his head in perplexity. Only then does Raven realize he isn't supposed to know about Linus.

"I assumed that Nino is…" He covers quickly.

"Oh," Lloyd nods. "Uh, no. Nino's not really my sister." He doesn't sound certain of that statement, which makes Raven curious. How much ambiguity is there? Before he can ask, Lloyd continues, "But I do have a younger brother. Although he's both bigger and stronger than me, so I never opened a lot of jars for him."

Raven nods, picking through the freezer for beefsteak.

"Sounds like you know what it's like, though," Lloyd says, leaning against the cooler. "You an older brother too?"

Raven freezes up. His expression ices over, lips forming a tight line. If his parents are a forbidden topic, his sister is even more so. He never talks about Priscilla with anyone, including Lucius. She's completely off-limits.

"Fuck, fuck," Lloyd groans, carding a hand through his hair. "I am so, so sorry."

"It's fine," Raven says, though his voice comes out differently than intended, all cold and distant.

"I'm ready to be helped," says an old lady at the counter.

"Oh, thank fuck," Lloyd says under his breath. He's clearly relieved to have an excuse to flee from the sheer awkwardness of the moment. Raven doesn't blame him.

Despite himself, he has to smile as Lloyd helps the old lady pay for her vegetables. The blond doesn't even realize that he's walking into an emotional minefield every time Raven's past comes up, which is to be expected. Few people have the amount of baggage that he does. Poor guy doesn't know what he's dealing with.

Lloyd returns a few minutes later. He takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I really am."

"I know," Raven says. "It's fine. You couldn't have known."

"Still," Lloyd winces. "I shouldn't be –"

"Lloyd," Raven says, pressing his pointer finger against Lloyd's mouth to silence him. "Stop apologizing. I'm not mad."

Lloyd's eyes flash. He's very warm, and very still, against Raven's hand. Realizing what he's doing, Raven yanks away as if burnt. "Sorry," he mutters.

"It's fine," Lloyd says. His voice is slightly hoarse, like his throat has gone dry.

Raven's face feels hot suddenly. He hides his blush by turning away and pulling a strip of frozen beefsteak from the cooler. When he turns back around, Lloyd's gaze darts away from where Raven is pretty sure is the vicinity of his ass. He smirks.

Apparently unable to let it go, Lloyd sighs. "I feel bad, though. I've been unintentionally giving you so much shit, and –"

"No you haven't," Raven says, rolling his eyes. "I don't take shit from people. So you can't have been giving me any. QED."

"What?" Lloyd asks.

Raven shrugs. "It's a rule that I live by. I don't take shit from people. Ever."

A smile spreads across Lloyd's face. "Yeah? What other rules do you have?"

"I don't apologize for things that aren't my fault," Raven recites. "I don't get into trouble I can't get out of. I don't fight people who don't have a chance of being able to fight back. I don't feign interest in people, even for my own benefit. I play fair. I don't feel insecure because there's no fucking point in that. That kind of stuff."

"Wow," Lloyd says, shaking his head. "That's… really admirable, actually. If you can get yourself to believe some of those things." He grins wryly. "I'm given to understand talking yourself out of insecurity is difficult."

Raven leans back against the cooler, arms crossed over his chest. "It's not that hard. You manage it, right?"

Lloyd furrows his brow. "Huh?"

"You don't feel insecure," Raven clarifies. "I can tell."

"Well, I guess not," Lloyd says slowly. "But…"

"Confidence is easy to read in people who carry it," Raven says indifferently. "You don't bother with being insecure because you know yourself, and you know there's no need for it. I mean, you're smart, and strong, and interesting, and you know it. Right?" He raises his eyebrows.

"Sure," Lloyd agrees, blinking. "I. What?"

"Okay, maybe you're not as smart as I thought. What have I said that confuses you?" Raven asks.

Lloyd chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's not confusing. I'm just. I've never met anyone like you before. You're so _sincere_."

"And that's why I don't bother being insecure," Raven smirks. "Now ring me up, I have to go meet a friend for dinner."

"Yeah, okay," Lloyd says dazedly.

Raven's got this.

_July 3, 2011_

Distracted by the sign over the sweet corn detailing the difference between organic and chemical-free, Raven is startled by a tap on his shoulder. His reflexes kick in and he spins, catching the arm before it can retreat and twisting it behind his assailant's back, forcing the man down on one knee.

"Ow," Lloyd says, arm bent. He looks over his shoulder at Raven, who releases him quickly and jumps back.

"Oh Christ, I'm sorry," he says.

Lloyd stands. "It's fine," he says, laughing. "You alright there, sparky?"

"I'm fine. I just got back from the gym, and I'm still a little tense," Raven says, biting his lip.

"Now, when you say 'the gym,' do you mean lifting weights type gym, or…?"

Raven shakes his head. "Krav Maga studio. I take lessons from this guy, Harken."

"I've heard of him," Lloyd says, massaging his arm. "Are you in a class?"

"I used to be," Raven replies, examining the sweet corn ear by ear to select six of the best. "But I picked it up quicker than the rest, so he tutors me personally."

Lloyd raises his eyebrows. "That has to be expensive."

"I'm rich," Raven says, unabashed. He isn't necessarily _proud_ of his affluence, but he's not ashamed of it either. It's irrelevant to him.

"I guess you'd have to be," Lloyd says slowly. Raven can guess that he's thinking of the luxury SUV, the way he lives alone, and the stylish brand-name clothing he wears. And Lloyd knows he works as an intern – not exactly the highest paid job around – so he must be able to guess where Raven gets his money.

Just to be sure, Raven explains, "Inheritance."

"Huh," Lloyd says. But Raven's wealth seems as unimportant to him as it is to the redhead, as he loses interest in the subject quickly. "Krav Maga…" He muses aloud.

Raven looked over his shoulder at the other man. "You know much about it?"

"Not much, no," Lloyd says. "Father taught Linus and me street fighting, but it's not a specific type. I think he said some of it was based off of Krav Maga."

Raven sets aside his sweet corn, walks out onto a nearby patch of grass, and gestures. "Come here."

Lloyd comes, though warily.

Raven gets into a fighting stance. "Hit me," he says.

"You've got to be kidding me," Lloyd says, laughing. "What is this, Fight Club? I'm not going to hit you."

"Come on, pussy. Hit me." Raven beckons.

Lloyd comes closer, furrowing his brow. "I'll ruin your clothing. How much did that suit cost, $150?"

$320, but Raven isn't telling him that. "I'll send it in for dry cleaning." He shrugs. "Come on, pansy ass wuss. _Hit me_."

Lloyd narrows his brow and throws a punch. He has a good stance: tight, controlled, hard to follow without a trained eye. But Raven has a trained eye, and a good one at that. He blocks the punch and twists Lloyd's arm the same way he did before. Instead of going with it this time, Lloyd uses Raven's momentum to slam his captured shoulder into Raven's nose. But the redhead is ready for that, and he ducks, raising a knee to slam it into Lloyd's groin. A quick dodge saves Lloyd's future children, and he twists Raven, getting him into a tight headlock with his free arm.

"You are good," Lloyd grunts as Raven elbows him in the solar plexus. He gets both arms around Raven's neck.

Raven wriggles down, sweeping his arms out to throw off Lloyd's balance. "I know," he says. Lloyd gets him with a blow to the temple. "So are you."

"I know," Lloyd chuckles breathlessly.

They duck and weave, throwing and blocking punches, getting each other in holds and breaking back out of them. Raven is pleased to see that Lloyd's _good_: strong, fast, smart, and strategic. They have a good balance in their fight, a natural rhythm that makes it so one can't quite get the leg up he needs to beat the other.

Finally, though, Raven decides to finish it. He comes in close, making Lloyd shrink back to protect his midsection. Then he spins and raises his knee to catch Lloyd in the head. Contact. The blond buckles, clutching his face.

Raven smirks. He should probably feel guilty, but he doesn't. He backs up, eyeing Lloyd warily. An injured enemy isn't a beaten one, as he knows.

Not wary enough, as Lloyd turns out to be getting in position for a flying tackle. Raven barely has a chance to plant his feet before Lloyd catches him around the torso, sending them rolling onto the ground. All of a sudden Raven finds himself pinned with a heavy, warm mass on his chest and a grinning blond hovering over his face. "Cocky bitch, aren't you?" He asks.

"Little bit," Raven says. He doesn't squirm, because contrary to all beliefs, he knows at least a little about social protocol, and getting a hard-on in public is generally a bad idea.

But it's hard to will it down when the sun silhouettes Lloyd's face and all he sees is a blinding smile and gleaming eyes. All he can feel is warmth and muscle. He smells fresh-cut grass and hay. It's hard to focus when you've got the man of your dreams lying on top of you.

"Lloyd!" A deep, gravely voice calls from inside the stand.

Lloyd springs up. "Father!" He exclaims.

"Go finish fixing the irrigation before it gets too dark," Lloyd's father says.

Lloyd ducks his head obediently and leaves. Behind his father's back, he waves goodbye to Raven, who smirks as he stands up and brushes grass off his clothing. Then he looks up at the farmer, one eyebrow raised.

A scarred and bearded blond, it is easy to tell that this man is Lloyd's father. They have the same jaw and similar eyes, although the farmer is thicker set and has wrinkled, weathered skin. He's also frowning deeply, which is an expression Raven has never seen on Lloyd's perpetually contented face.

"Who're you." The man finally grunts at Raven.

"Raven Cornwell," Raven answers. He thinks about adding a 'sir,' then decides he doesn't care enough.

The man raises an eyebrow. "Raven Cornwell…" He repeats, his tone thoughtful. "Hn. I'm Brendan Reed. Lloyd's father."

"So I assumed," Raven says dryly.

Brendan's scowl deepens somehow. "Don't be flip with me, boy. What are you doing with my son?"

Raven crosses his arms. "At the moment? Sparring with him."

"Ain't you dressed a little fancy for that?" Brendan asks.

Raven shrugs one shoulder. "It was worth it."

Brendan nods. "Well, don't you be distracting my boy from his work."

"It's not my fault your boy is easily distracted," Raven retorts.

"Not so easily," Brendan replies cryptically.

Something hot and electric – could it be hope? – skitters down Raven's spine. It's been a long time since he's felt that. He purses his lips, thinking. Then he admits freely, "You taught him well."

"At what, fighting?" Brendan asks.

"That, and sounding like an educated hillbilly," Raven says.

Brendan barks a laugh. "I like you, boy. That means I won't have any problem boxing your ears if you disrespect me."

"You can try," Raven says, smirking.

"You're good with your fists, for a city boy." Brendan admits. "I was watching the whole while."

Raven takes the praise with a nod.

"Now, stop distracting my boy or I won't be so nice to you next time, you hear?" Brendan says.

"I'm just coming to buy vegetables," Raven says dryly. "Lloyd is the one making the decisions about the customer service."

"Uh huh," Brendan says, clearly skeptical. He leaves.

Nino comes up next to Raven. "He really does like you," she says, awed.

"Which one, Brendan or Lloyd?" Raven asks. He picks up his discarded bag of sweet corn.

Nino giggles. "Oh no, I'm not saying anything." She shoots him a coy smile. "I promised Lloyd."

Raven ducks his head to hide his grin.

_August 17, 2011_

Then comes August 17. It's been two months since Raven started talking to Lloyd. Two months of flirtation, affection, and smiles that he can't quite bite back. And vegetables. Definitely those. He's never eaten so healthy in his life.

He's thinking that it's about time he asked Lloyd out, or gave him his number, or something. A full-on confession may not be necessary, but he wants to show that he's interested in some way. He's pretty sure Lloyd won't be disgusted at the idea.

He pulls up at the stand and gets out of the car. For the first time, neither Nino nor Lloyd is behind the counter. A black-haired woman stands there instead, wearing a low-cut halter-top and criminally short shorts. Wavy black hair tumbles over her creamy white shoulders. Her lips are crimson against her pale skin.

She's beautiful in an unsettling way. But Raven supposes black-haired beauty isn't really his type, not when tanned, muscular blond is so much more appealing.

He dawdles around for as long as he dares, picking out vegetables. Then he comes up to the counter to pay. He lets the woman get halfway through ringing him up before he asks casually, "Is Lloyd around?"

"He's up the hill fixing a truck with Linus," she says. Another ten seconds go by, then she offers, "Is there a message you'd like me to pass along?"

He shakes his head. "Just… wondering."

Recognition lights up her golden eyes. Her lips form an 'o' of comprehension. "Oh, you must be Raven…" The woman smiles pityingly. "I'm Sonia, Lloyd's mother. He's told me so much about you."

Raven frowns. "Has he?"

She hesitates, then leans forward, lowering her voice to a whisper. "He's going to kill me for telling you this – he's such a nice boy, you know – but I feel it's my duty as a mother to help him out. Raven, Lloyd knows about your feelings for him."

Raven freezes up. "He does?" He asks, a lump rising in his throat.

"Of course he does," Sonia says, that sympathetic smile returning to her lips. "You're not the most subtle of men. And… Well, he hasn't said anything to you. You tell me what that means."

"It means…" Raven pauses. He swallows hard. "He doesn't feel the same way."

"No, he doesn't," she says. "But he didn't know how to tell you. He didn't want to hurt you."

"Oh."

Sonia bites her lip. "He has a girlfriend, you see. Ursula. She's a beautiful girl who lives with him at his university. He hoped your feelings would fade away before things grew awkward between you, but… I shouldn't say anymore. You get the idea."

Raven feels his face heating up. Oh Christ, this is so mortifying. "Yeah," he says gruffly.

"Maybe distance would help?" She tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. "Or would you like to talk about it with him? I could call him."

"No!" He says, hand shooting out in protest. "No, we don't need to talk about it. It's fine. I'll just… See him around."

She smiles again, sadly this time. "That might be best. I'm so sorry, Raven."

"It's fine," he says, looking away.

He pays quickly and leaves. Though he tries to distract himself, he can't help but remember all of the stolen glances between him and Lloyd, the flirtation in the other man's voice when they spoke. Was it all in his head? Did he invent it as a method of concocting some delusional romance? Obviously so, if the man had told his mother about Raven's unrequited feelings. Christ, he's such an idiot. He can't believe how much he humiliated himself in front of the blond.

Sonia said Lloyd was being nice, but Raven can think of nothing crueler than letting him make an ass of himself without saying anything to stop him. If Lloyd didn't return his feelings, he could have said something like an adult. Well, the man got what he wanted. Raven won't talk to him again. He's far too embarrassed for that. He'll go back to his former ways of watching Lloyd as he worked, though he would no longer dwell obsessively on what might happen if he ever spoke to the blond. Because now he knows.

Fucking nothing.

_September 23, 2011_

Raven's life goes on. He goes to work, goes grocery shopping (not at the farm, of course), goes to the gym, hangs out with Lucius. Nothing changes, not really. But he can feel himself shutting down, closing off, and he knows Lucius can see it too. He can't control it. The old, familiar walls are raising brick by brick and he can't do anything to stop it, not even if he wants to.

But he doesn't want to. He likes this sense of detachment, of resentment, the bitterness that he grew accustomed to living with in the years after his family fell apart. He hadn't even realized how Lucius and Lloyd managed to tear it down until his shields rise back up, and he hates that. If he's going to soften as a person, he at least wants to be aware of it.

So he's back to his old state of being, where everything is a weapon except for the people who wield them. They aren't weapons, they're enemies, but it's all the same to him. Consciously he knows he's being dramatic – that Lloyd never betrayed him and that he has no reason to be so angry about it – but he doesn't mind drama, not of this variety. It's safer this way.

Unfortunately, Lucius seems to disagree.

"You're different, Raymond," he says, making Raven roll his eyes. Only Lucius can't get over his old name, which he had legally changed the month after his parents died. No one else even remembers the other one anymore. But Lucius insists on calling him that, like calling back echoes of the past will bring back the boy he used to be.

"So?" He asks, feigning a tone of boredom.

Lucius gazes at him for an unsettlingly long time. They're on Raven's roof. It's nighttime, and fireflies blink in and out over the Reeds' field, but Raven's not looking at that. He's content to lie on his back and stare up at the stars. Lucius is sitting up next to him, alternately watching the fireflies and staring down at Raven's face. He pretends not to notice.

"What happened?" Lucius asks. "You were… lightening up, this summer. I saw you smile at least three times in the last two months."

Christ, really? Raven had no idea that he'd smiled even once. That's freaky. "So?" He repeats. He should know better than to try apathy on Lucius. It never works.

"So something happened this summer to raise your spirits." Lucius guesses.

Raven shrugs.

"Then something else happened a week ago that made you regress," Lucius says, frowning. "What was it?"

Raven narrows his eyes, but doesn't look away from the stars. "I'm not talking about this."

"You have to talk sometime."

"No, not really." Raven says. "I'm pretty damn sure I could go my whole life never discussing the matter."

Lucius huffs. "You could, but you shouldn't. Talking is healthy. If you tell me what's wrong, I might be able to help."

Raven laughs without humor. There's nothing Lucius can do to help, even if he doesn't know that. But it's a nice idea.

Lucius sighs. "Just open up, Raymond. The longer you take to talk, the harder it will get."

Raven abruptly realizes how glad he is that he never told Lloyd about his parents. Not that he was even considering it, but the pain would be so much worse to have bared his soul only to figure out Lloyd wasn't interested the whole time.

He sets his jaw. "I don't want to. I shouldn't have to."

Lucius' voice gains an edge of exasperation. It makes sense. Raven knows that he can be frustrating. He doesn't care. "This isn't healthy. You need to stop bottling everything up."

Finally, Raven loses patience. "What happens if I open up and it turns out my confidant doesn't feel the same way?" He snaps.

Lucius cocks his head to the side. His eyes are bright. "Maybe he does and you just didn't know it."

Lucius can't know how deep his words cut. Obviously he's talking about himself – like Raven doesn't know about his affections, _ha_ – but Raven is too busy thinking about Lloyd to care about sparing his delicate feelings. Too pained by Lucius' unknowing slap in the face to hold his own poison inside. "This isn't about you, Lucius," Raven says, bitingly cold.

Lucius reels back. "I know that," he says eventually, looking down. "I know. I just want to help."

The downtrodden look on his face thaws the outermost layer of frost around Raven's heart, just enough for him to say grudgingly, "Sorry."

"It's fine," Lucius says. He still won't look at Raven.

There's an awkward silence. Raven doesn't know what Lucius is thinking – doesn't _want_ to know – and guilt simmers low in his belly. He may not be the most sensitive guy around, but he doesn't like causing Lucius pain.

So he sighs. "Talking is healthy for you," he says quietly, "but it's not the same way for me. I fixate. Only distraction helps me get over my baggage. I don't want to open up because that would only make me angrier." He pauses, then forces out, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Lucius says, but he sounds like he means it this time. He scoots over, and Raven obediently picks his head up, resting it on Lucius' thigh. After a moment, soft fingers sift through his hair. Raven knows Lucius well enough to know that this is an apology for trying to force him into emotional conversation.

And he figures Lucius knows Raven well enough to know that his allowance of it is his way of accepting.

_December 18, 2011_

It's Christmastime. Lloyd has been away at school for three months, not that Raven is counting. On this particular day, Raven has been sent to the mall with Florina and Ninian to pick out dresses for some sort of formal dinner thing that Pherae, Ostia & Caelin is hosting. Eliwood has given him permission not to go to the dinner, but only if he helps the girls with their clothes shopping. Sometimes Raven hates his boss.

Christ, Raven thought he was quiet, but the girls bring shyness to a whole new level. He has a feeling they would be talking if he weren't there, but since he is, the entire car ride was passed in silence. Fucking awkward.

As they consult the large map for the location of a Lily Pulitzer store, he loses patience. "You can talk," he says, somewhat testily. "I'm not that scary."

From the way they both shrink back, he thinks he might be more frightening than he knew.

He rubs his temples. "Sorry," he mutters. "Just… This will be easier if you guys feel comfortable around me. I'm only 17, for Christ's sake. I shouldn't be that intimidating."

He thinks Ninian might be hiding a smile. Florina just looks terrified. "Pardon us," Ninian says, though quietly. "I guess… I'm just a little confused… Why…?"

"Hector and Eliwood know that I have good fashion sense for both men and women. Since Lyndis was raised in a middle-class family, she doesn't know how to dress formally or shop in fancy stores." Raven says. Normally he wouldn't explain in such detail, but he knows that talking to Florina is like taming a wild pony. It's the tone of voice, low and soothing, more than the words that matter.

"I see." Ninian says, though it doesn't sound like she entirely understands why Raven is there yet.

Raven starts walking towards the Lily Pulitzer store, gesturing for the girls to follow. "I was raised wealthy, and I learned from my mother how to shop for elegant women's clothing. I've been dressing Lyndis since I joined the firm. I guess Eliwood figured I would be a good source of advice for you two." He shrugs one shoulder. "He and Hector just want you to look nice and feel confident about it. I can help you with that."

They get almost all the way to the store before Florina says, nearly inaudibly, "Thank you."

"My pleasure," he says gruffly.

"Florina!" Someone calls from up ahead. Glancing up, Raven sees a familiar green head of hair. Fuck, Nino. She hasn't seen him yet, which is good, because the very sight of her makes him feel faint.

He feels the blood drain from his face. Without hesitation, he ducks into the nearest store, which happens to be a candle store, and peers out through the glass window from behind a large display. Florina misses this, distracted by Nino's arrival, but Ninian sees his face before he manages to hide completely. She frowns.

"Nino!" Florina says. "How are you? Who are you here with?" It's a little bizarre to hear Florina talk to a girl. Raven can't help but be surprised that she can string together a full sentence.

"I'm here with Linus, shopping for Christmas presents for Mother and Brendan. He's checking out CVS to see if they have the screwdriver we need to fix the cooler door. What are you doing here?" Nino asks.

"Shopping for dresses. My… um…" Florina looks to Ninian.

"Boyfriend," Ninian fills in for her.

Florina blushes. "Boyfriend," she says shyly, "is having a party and I need to look presentable."

"Ooh, who's your boyfriend?" Nino asks.

"Hector Ostia." Florina remembers her manners at this. "Nino, this is Ninian. She's Eliwood Pherae's girlfriend. We're shopping together with –"

"Lyndis," Ninian interjects quickly. "Though I don't know where she went."

Florina looks at her curiously, then registers that Raven is nowhere to be seen. She furrows her eyebrows in confusion. Raven quietly thanks every god in heaven that Ninian covered for him. He doesn't want Nino to know he's there. He hasn't seen her since before talking to Sonia, and he doesn't have any desire to talk to her.

He can only hope Florina catches on, because Nino gasps and says, "Wait, Eliwood Pherae? He's Raven's boss!"

"Who?" Ninian says, elbowing Florina before she can say anything.

Nino wilts. "Raven Cornwell?" She tries. "He works as an intern for Eliwood Pherae. You don't know him?"

"I'm sorry, no," Ninian says. "Eliwood has a lot of assistants. I've only met a few of them. What does this Raven look like?"

"Dark red hair, brown eyes that look red in the sunlight. He's young and thin." Nino blushes. "He's very handsome."

Ninian pastes on an apologetic smile. "I'm afraid I don't recognize that description. If I see him, I would be glad to pass on a message for you. Was there something you wanted him to know?"

Nino looks down. "Just that my brother Lloyd thinks he might have gotten the wrong idea. He wants to talk to Raven to explain."

Sounds about right. Raven had gotten completely the wrong idea, that Lloyd might possibly be interested in him. And he doesn't want to hear Lloyd's explanation. He's not that brave, nor that masochistic.

Florina shifts, uncomfortable. "Why… Um, why don't you leave Lloyd's number with us? That way, when we see Raven, we can give it to him."

"If," Ninian corrects. "If we see Raven."

"Right. If." Florina tries to smile, but it doesn't meet her eyes. She's a shit-terrible liar.

Nino doesn't notice, too elated by this proposition. "Okay!" She digs around in her bag and finds a pen and an old receipt, upon which she scrawls a 10-digit number. "Here."

Ninian takes it. "I'll pass this along to Eliwood." She says.

"Thanks so much!" Nino says. She seems imbued with new life, bright hope in her eyes. "Well, I'll see you later! I should go find Linus."

"Bye Nino." Florina waves.

Nino dashes off.

A minute later, when he's sure she's out of sight and earshot, Raven trudges out of the candle store. "Can we ignore that whole thing?"

Ninian wordlessly presses the receipt into his hand. Both she and Florina go wide-eyed when he tears it up into pieces and tosses the scraps into the nearest trashcan. He doesn't want to be tempted late at night when he's alone in an empty house. Calling Lloyd in desperation only to be shot down over the phone? That would triply compound the humiliation he already feels.

"But…" Florina says.

"I don't have anything to say to him." Raven growls.

"What did he do?" Ninian asks.

Raven cards a hand through his hair. "Nothing. I don't want to talk about it. Can we go?"

"But…" Florina says.

"I'm not talking about it," Raven barks.

Florina flinches. Fear fills her face once more.

Raven sighs. "I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't mean to yell. I just." He rubs his hand over his face. "I really don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," Florina says.

"It sounds like he's really sorry, whatever he did," Ninian tries one last time.

Raven sets his jaw and looks away.

Ninian sighs. "Let's go get some dresses," she says.

"Yeah," Raven agrees.

There are so many lonely nights that Raven hates himself for throwing away that number, but so many more nights that he's thankful he had the strength to do it.

_May 20, 2012_

May rolls around, as months are wont to do. Raven has been adjusting to life sans Lloyd. If the blond came home for winter break, or spring break, or Thanksgiving break, Raven wouldn't know. The farm is shut down over the colder months of the year, so even if Lloyd were home, Raven would never have seen him. And Raven spent spring break in London with Lucius, who wanted him to visit before he came home from his six-month semester abroad. It's been a long time since Raven has seen Lloyd.

He hasn't forgotten him, though. It's kind of dumb how much he still cares about Lloyd, to tell the truth. Months later, and he can't forget a single conversation they held, or the feeling of Lloyd's lips against his pointer finger.

He should have seen this coming. The farm has restarted production, with Brendan in the field every day, mowing and plowing and readying for planting. Certain beds have been sowed with seeds already. And universities let out in May, so if he'd thought about it, he could have guessed that Lloyd's pretty face would be visible outside his window within the month.

But he's kind of stupid. So somehow he missed that. Raven gets out of his car and pulls his gym bag from the backseat. He shuts both doors and locks the SUV with the automatic button. "Uh huh. Uh huh." He says into the phone, his gaze automatically drawn to the field by force of habit.

And Lloyd is standing there looking back.

Lucius is still talking on the other end of the line, but Raven can't hear a word of it over the rushing in his ears. He feels himself go red. "I have to go," he says, hanging up the call before Lucius can get another word out. He rushes inside, unable to glance back at Lloyd and see the undoubtedly pitying look in his eyes.

He sets his gym bag down on the counter and covers his face with his hands. Fuck, how much humiliation does God feel he deserves? It's the first time he's met eyes with Lloyd since his talk with Sonia almost a year before, and the mortification is just as fresh as the day they spoke about it. Raven hates the feeling he gets when he thinks of Lloyd now, so shameful, so shy, embarrassment a physical ache in his chest. He's not accustomed to being so out of his element, and he doesn't like it at all.

Then there's a knock on the door. When he looks up, he sees Lloyd on the other side of the door, a strange, determined look in his eyes. Oh fuck, what now? Does the blond really need to twist the knife that much deeper in his chest?

Dredging up all his willpower, Raven trudges across the room and opens the door. "What." He says flatly.

Lloyd looks taken-aback. "I haven't seen you for awhile." He says. He smells like fresh basil, like clean grass. Raven is discomfited to find that his desire for the blond hasn't dulled a bit, even with all the humiliation. He still wants to throw the man down over his dining room table and rip his clothes off with his teeth.

He can't believe they're having this talk. "Yeah, no shit."

Lloyd appears uncomprehending. Then realization sparks in his eyes. "You met Ursula, didn't you," he breathes out. "It's not what it looks like."

"What?" Raven says, sincerely baffled.

"She's not my girlfriend," Lloyd rushes to explain. "I used to date her, but that ended May of last year, right before you and I met. That's why you stopped coming, right?"

Raven furrows his brow. "Wait, what? Who?"

"What?" Lloyd says.

"Did your mother not tell you?" Raven checks, going to wash the dishes to give himself something to do with his hands. He feels so vulnerable as he is.

"Tell me what?" Lloyd asks slowly.

Raven looks down at the running faucet. "She talked to me about… you know." He says, his voice quiet, almost lost to the sound of rushing water.

"I don't know," Lloyd says, impatience flashing in his eyes. "What did she say to you?"

Raven swallows. "She told me that you know about my feelings and didn't know how to tell me you didn't –"

"Feelings?" Lloyd says, starting forward. He sounds confused, hopeful, guarded. "What feelings?"

Now Raven is confused. "Are we really doing this?" He snaps defensively. He's already embarrassed enough without having to explain in detail why he's being rejected.

Lloyd steps closer. "What feelings, Raven?" He asks, strangely intent.

Raven finally meets his eyes, and he hitches a breath, surprised at the expression he finds in the blond's gaze. Lloyd seems… well, he doesn't seem disgusted, for sure. "I…"

That's when Lloyd crosses the room in two large steps, pins him to the counter, and yanks him into a kiss. Raven nearly bites his own tongue from shock, then nearly bites Lloyd's when the blond slips it into his mouth. But then his brain catches up to the large, warm hand that curls around his jaw, to the firm muscle of the body pressed against his, and he kisses back instead, threading his fingers through Lloyd's hair.

He smells even better up close, all crisp and fresh, and Raven doesn't care that he's getting dirt smudged over his face because Lloyd is touching him, Lloyd Reed is fucking _touching_ him, and it's so worth the years of waiting, the months of humiliation, because Lloyd Reed is touching him and it feels so fucking good. He moans against Lloyd's lips and the blond replies in kind, growling desperately, like he's trying to absorb Raven through the places where their skin touches. Raven wants to be absorbed, he wants to disappear into Lloyd, and god, it feels like his wishes are being answered.

"All this time, you've lived right next door?" Lloyd mumbles against his lips. He lifts Raven onto the counter like he's a ragdoll in those big hands, and Raven goes without complaint, spreading his legs so Lloyd can slip between them. Slick, hot kisses are trailed down his neck, and he tips his head back and stares up at the ceiling, breathing hard. "For months, I've thought of you daily," Lloyd whispers, "imagining what I'd tell you if I saw you again. And what I'd do to you." The palm of his hand grinds against Raven's dick, making him writhe.

"Lloyd," Raven cries out, digging his heels into the blond's back to draw him in even closer. This is all happening so fast, but he's not complaining. He's rendered docile by the blunt nails that scrape against his skin, by the tongue that trails curlicues into his jaw.

Lloyd shudders. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say my name like that," he says.

Despite himself, Raven snickers. "Bet I do," he says. Lloyd really has no clue how long Raven's been pining over him. Since June 15? Hardly. Try three years now.

Lloyd's eyes are warm amber and they gleam when he kisses Raven again, hands sliding up his shirt. Everything is warmth and suction and firm pressure, and Raven can hardly keep up with what Lloyd's doing to him. He kisses back, presses into Lloyd's hands, sucks on the strong fingers that enter his mouth. He's falling in a dizzying spiral of ecstasy, everything hot and alive and alight. It's like he's having an out of body experience, only he can feel every nerve ending at the same time, and they're all electrified, his skin oversensitive as Lloyd's fingers dance over it.

When he finds himself on his knees on the kitchen floor, he doesn't know how he got there. Oh, sure, he can guess, but the time in-between standing and kneeling is all a blur of pleasure, and it would freak him out only Lloyd is pushing into him and he can't hope to focus on anything else for even a second.

"Fuck, Raven," Lloyd says breathlessly. He presses his forehead to the back of Raven's neck, curled over him. Every inch of him feels huge and searing hot, and Raven is being split apart in the most wonderful way imaginable.

He gives a shaky groan and bites at his fist to stay silent, the fingers of his other hand scrabbling for purchase on the slick marble floor. His whole body is trembling, he can feel it.

"Hey, hey," Lloyd whispers. A rough tongue laps up the sweat that gathers on Raven's back. "I want to hear you. Come on, gorgeous, let me hear you."

"Nnnn," Raven says. It's supposed to be a 'no,' only Lloyd chooses that moment to twist his hips, and any thoughts of denying him anything are rendered silent. The blond doesn't pull out, there's no thrusting yet, but his cock strokes against Raven's insides and it's – distracting.

Now Lloyd pulls out just an inch before rocking back in. He gives a moan of his own. "Fuck, fuck," he says, fingers clamped tight on Raven's hips. It feels like a brand. He fucking loves it. "You are this amazing, brilliant, gorgeous badass and everyone kept telling me to get over you." He pants for breath. "But I didn't want to get over you." He says it like it's a secret.

Raven's next groan must sound like an inquiry, because Lloyd continues.

"I mean, you're awesome. Why would I want to get over you? After you, anyone else would be settling, and I think I'm too young for that." Lloyd huffs a laugh. He thrusts, harder now, enough that Raven's knees slide on the slippery floor before he plants his palms on the surface for purchase.

"Lloyd," Raven pleads, though he doesn't know what he's pleading for.

Lloyd seems to intuitively understand, because he picks up the pace, faster now. Deeper, too – it feels like the head of his cock is buried in Raven's torso. Academically, Raven knows he's not _that_ big, but it fucking feels like it. "And I couldn't give up on you," Lloyd confides, "because I never stopped hoping that I would see you again. Even if you didn't want me yet, I would make you want me, I would win you over."

It's such a laughable idea, that Raven might not want Lloyd. At any other time, Raven would have snickered. But now, he bites his lip before confessing, "I always wanted you, you stupid hot fucker." He writhes as Lloyd's next thrust hits his prostate. His vision goes white. "Always," he chokes out.

"You're amazing," Lloyd says. Raven can feel sweat on the tips of his hair as he pressed kisses to the redhead's back. Lloyd pants, hot breath practically steaming against Raven's skin. When Raven pushes back to meet his hips, he _rumbles_ with pleasure.

The falling feeling is back. Raven is spiraling into nothingness, losing contact with his physical surroundings. He's floating, he's flying, he's dying and being revived with every single thrust, so he doesn't think he can be blamed for babbling like an idiot, all things considered. "Lloyd, I – Christ, you're everything. You're fucking everything." He thinks he might be sobbing with ecstasy. He thinks he's okay with that.

Lloyd's not doing a lot better, in all fairness. "Raven," he cries out, "Raven, God, Raven, you're fucking incredible, no wonder I fucking want you so fucking much." He tightens his hands and _slams_ into Raven, making him toss his head back and choke on a scream.

"Say it again," he demands, baring his teeth.

"I want you," Lloyd says instantly. He knows what Raven needs, and it freaks Raven out but it also thrills him to his core. He's never felt so vulnerable, and it's equally as intoxicating as it is terrifying. "I want you so bad, I want you, I _really, really_ fucking want you."

The words echo in Raven's head when he comes hard on the marble floor, knees slippery from sweat, eyes squeezed shut so tightly. "I want you," he repeats back mindlessly.

Lloyd growls as hot come fills Raven and strong hands grip his sides until he bruises. Then he lets go and covers the redhead's body with his own, slumping against him. Raven would mind, because he's already sticky and hot, but no. He's never going to complain about Lloyd's naked body rubbing against his own.

They lie, panting, for some number of minutes. Gradually, Raven feels his heart rate calm. He shifts, and Lloyd takes the cue and pulls out, sitting back so he's leaning against the dishwasher. Raven turns, looks at him, and realizes that he's nowhere near done with this man yet. Not even close.

"More," he demands, crawling over to Lloyd, who is already reaching for him.

"More," Lloyd agrees. Raven sinks into his lap, his ass slotted into the cradle of Lloyd's legs.

Lloyd buries his face in Raven's neck. His goatee tickles Raven's skin, and he squirms. Then Lloyd starts sucking and nipping at his pulse, and he squirms for an entirely different reason. He toys with thick blond hair while Lloyd mouths at his neck, and he thinks –

Christ. He's the luckiest guy in the world.

_May 20, 2012_

Steaming hot water, just shy of scalding, rains over Raven, and he tilts his face up into the spray contentedly. Various parts of his body ache and throb – bruises and bite-marks litter his skin from the neck down – and though it feels deliciously good, the hot water helps take the sting from it.

Behind him, Lloyd draws lazy kisses across his shoulders. Raven squirms. "We've been at this for three hours," he protests, though weakly, as the blond tugs him firmly against that larger, muscular body. "Isn't your family going to wonder where you are?"

"Probably," Lloyd chuckles. He drags his teeth along the back of Raven's neck, making him shiver. Goosebumps rise over his arms. Lloyd rests his chin on Raven's shoulder, presses a kiss into the side of his neck. "Let them wonder."

Raven frowns as something occurs to him. "Why doesn't Sonia like me? What the hell did I do that made her want to keep us apart?"

Lloyd sighs and draws away. He busies himself shampooing his hair. "I don't know. She's a crazy bitch." He tilts his head back, eyes closed.

Raven slides between the larger man and the shower wall so he's behind Lloyd. Reaching up, he massages Lloyd's scalp, foamy shampoo streaming down his arms from the contact. Lloyd gives a happy growl. "Not many men I know call their mothers crazy bitches," he comments.

"Oh, she's not my mother," Lloyd says. Raven blinks, surprised. "She married my father two years ago. Only reason I haven't moved out is because I love her daughter so much, and I don't want her to be alone in a house with Father and Sonia."

"Nino, right?"

"Right." Lloyd turns to face him, putting himself under the water's spray. He wipes shampoo from his eyes and says, "And I can't afford to piss off Sonia by moving out and taking Nino with me. She's got Father wrapped around her little finger." He doesn't sound bitter, just resigned.

Raven is a little amazed at how easily Lloyd talks about his personal life. He has trouble talking about his work or schooling with people, much less the death of his parents or the current estrangement from his sister. He looks at Lloyd, not knowing what to say. It's not from any lack of interest. He's just shit-terrible at being social.

Fortunately, Lloyd knows that. He laughs. "You look like a deer in headlights," he says amusedly. "Don't worry, I don't expect you to be an active participant in this conversation."

Raven, through willpower alone, manages to admit, "That's one of the things I like about you." He looks down, eyelashes fanning over his cheeks. "You understand me."

"God, you don't even know," Lloyd says, turning the redhead's face up to kiss him hungrily. Their bodies meet, slick and warm, as Raven opens his mouth for Lloyd's tongue. He pulls away, staring down at Raven with heat in his gaze. "Everything about you – you captivate me. From the first time I saw you."

"The first time?" Raven says, a bit dizzy from Lloyd's proximity. He wonders if he'll ever get over that.

Lloyd laughs, grinning as he nuzzles Raven's neck. "I had Nino text me, did you know? After that first time, when you bought tomatoes and I couldn't stop fucking staring at you."

"I figured that it wasn't coincidence you always showed up at the farm stand while I was there," Raven says with a smirk.

Lloyd nods. "I'd drop everything I was doing and get to the stand as fast as possible. Had to make up excuses every time. Linus made fun of me so damn much, you don't even know. And Father told me to just ask you out and quit with the pining about forty times."

Raven buries his face in Lloyd's neck to hide his blush. Hearing about the whole thing from Lloyd's perspective makes his own pining seem foolish. He should have just given Lloyd his number and been done with it instead of worrying incessantly.

Then Lloyd's voice lowers. "Just when I was getting up the balls to do it, you stopped coming. Nino kept telling me you would come back, and you never did. Even Linus stopped making fun of me."

"Sonia didn't tell you anything?" Raven asks.

"Nothing. She's smarter than that. If I had known she had talked to you, I would have been suspicious no matter what she said. I thought you'd met Ursula and gotten the wrong idea, that she was my girlfriend or something. She was at the farm right when you stopped coming. I assumed." Lloyd combs Raven's wet hair from his eyes and looks down at him seriously. "If I had known you lived here… All I wanted was a chance to talk to you."

Raven swallows, but doesn't look away. He doesn't think he could even if he wanted to; Lloyd's gaze is bewitching. "Sonia told me you knew how I felt, and you'd been trying to think of a way to let me down easy."

Lloyd chuckles grimly. "I _thought_ I knew, but I wasn't sure. I didn't want to embarrass myself on the chance that you look at everyone the way you looked at me, and I was just deluding myself into thinking it meant something."

Raven scowls. He doesn't like the way he loses control of his body around Lloyd and turns into a complete girl about everything, with the staring and the smiling and the blushing and all. It's humiliating. "Trust me, I don't look at anyone the way I look at you," he grumbles.

A moment of silence. When he looks up, Lloyd is open-mouthed with some unnamed emotion. Then Raven finds himself slammed against the shower wall, harsh lips suctioned to his neck. "I need to fuck you again," Lloyd mumbles against his skin.

"Now?" Raven asks. His voice cracks.

"Right fucking now," Lloyd says. From the way he grinds against Raven and strokes so possessively over his chest, the redhead can't even hope to deny him.

"Yeah, yeah, okay," Raven babbles, tossing his head back. He reaches up to grip the shower bar and finds that Lloyd is bearing enough of his weight that he can wrap his legs around the blond's waist, which is nice. "Nngh, turn the water off. It's going to get cold."

Lloyd scrabbles around with one hand until he finds the shower dial, which he snaps off. Then he returns to ravishing Raven senseless.

He never stood a fucking chance.

_May 20, 2012_

It's ten at night, and Raven has decided that he's hungry. He settles on venison and sugar snap peas in teriyaki sauce over rice. As he putters around the kitchen, Lloyd watches with interest. The blond has called his father and given his excuses. Raven really, really looks forward to sleeping in the larger man's arms tonight.

Right as he puts the venison in the marinade to soak, Lloyd speaks up. "Is there anything you're not good at?"

"Huh?" Raven says, looking up.

Lloyd tilts his head to the side, tipping back his chair so it rests on two legs. "Seriously. You're amazing at everything you do. Do you know how unfair that is to the rest of us?"

Raven frowns. That doesn't sound right. "Like what?"

"Oh, fighting, cooking, fashion, sex…" Lloyd said, ticking off his fingers one by one.

Raven snorts. "Cooking doesn't take any talent, though. Any idiot can follow a recipe."

Lloyd shakes his head. "But you're so deft in the kitchen. You have a natural confidence to it."

Turning to stir the rice on the stove, Raven says over his shoulder, "Bear in mind I've lived alone since I was 14. This is more practice than talent."

He isn't looking at Lloyd, but he can hear from his voice that his expression is aghast. "Oh, Christ. I'm sorry." When he turns, he finds the blond with his head buried in his hands.

Oh right, that. Poor Lloyd. He really has no idea how to talk to Raven about his past.

The redhead smiles, crossing the kitchen to slide a raw sugar snap pea between Lloyd's lips. "You don't have to feel bad every time my past comes up in conversation," he says gently. "I'm not upset."

Lloyd winces. "But…"

No wonder he's so panicked, considering the way Raven responded the first and second times his family was brought up as a topic of conversation. Raven brought this upon himself and he knows it. "I admit, it's my fault you get so freaked out because of my reaction the first time you brought up my parents. But that was what, the second time we spoke? It's okay. I'm alright with you making passing references to my family." He purses his lips. "As long as you're not like, _haha you're an orphan that's funny_. I may be angry about that."

Lloyd smiles. "You know, we only talked for two months last year before you stopped talking to me. And it's been 10 months or whatever since then." He makes a dismissive gesture to indicate the unimportance of the exact number.

"Really?" Raven raises his eyebrows. He could have sworn they'd conversed over a longer period than that. "Shit, I am such a slut," he says without the slightest bit of shame.

This startles a laugh out of Lloyd. "You're amazing." He shakes his head.

The question sticks with Raven, even though the conversation seems to be over. He knows there are things that he's bad at. He just can't think of them at the moment. "Hm… what about social situations?" He wonders aloud. "I'm kind of an antisocial zombie."

It takes Lloyd a moment to catch up to his thought process and return to the previous conversation. Then he says, "But that's by choice. You could be social if you wanted."

Fair point. Raven thinks for another moment. "Then no. There's nothing I'm bad at."

"Jesus." Lloyd whistles, awed. "You're actually perfect."

Raven scowls. "I'm not perfect. I mean, what are you bad at?" If either one of them were to be labeled as perfect, it would definitely be Lloyd. Strong, smart, handsome, kind. Not Raven, the constantly angry, high-strung work addict.

Without missing a beat, Lloyd rattles off, "I'm tone-deaf, my handwriting is atrocious, I can't kick a soccer ball, I read slower than your average kindergartener, and I can never tell when people are being sarcastic. To name a few." He raises an eyebrow. "Anything?"

Raven ponders. No, he can definitely carry a tune. He has beautiful handwriting, he knows how to kick a ball, he reads faster than your average college professor, and he is _well versed_ in the art of sarcasm, to say the least. "Nothing."

Lloyd smirks. "See? Perfect."

For some reason, hearing this bothers Raven. Lloyd shouldn't think of him as perfect. If Lloyd gets that idea in his head, then he'll be disappointed when he figures out how very un-perfect Raven is. And Raven is so far from perfect he's not even in the same zip code. What if Lloyd loses interest when he finds out that Raven's not what he expected?

He comes around the counter and sits down next to Lloyd, meeting Lloyd's eyes seriously. "Lloyd, I'm not perfect. Sure, I'm good at trivial shit, whatever. But I am a fucked-up, neurotic, psycho-crazy hot mess, and you should know that in advance."

Lloyd raises an eyebrow. "I know you have emotional baggage," he says.

Raven shakes his head. "It's not that. That's not even a percentage of how fucked-up I am in the head."

"Tell me about it," Lloyd says. He doesn't sound skeptical. Only curiosity colors his tone. Raven can't decide if that's better or worse.

He thinks. "I have trouble submitting to authority figures. I shut down when people try to make me talk to them. I hate condescension so much that I get violent when people patronize me. I do not like children. I'm self-absorbed like you wouldn't believe." He sets his jaw. "And I don't forgive. Ever. If you do something to piss me off, I won't get over it. I don't know if it's because I'm stubborn, or proud, or just really fucking angry all the time, but I do not let things go."

To his credit, Lloyd doesn't say anything for a long while. He sits back in his chair, eyes thoughtful. Then he leans forward and takes Raven's hand. "I think you're better about most of those things than you realize you are. You like Nino, and she's pretty young. I'm almost positive my father condescended to you when you spoke, and you didn't beat him up."

"Yes, but –"

Lloyd raises a hand to silence him. "Yes, you have some character flaws. So does everyone. The only one I'm worried about is that last thing." He rubs his jaw. "Raven, someday I'm going to do something that will piss you off. Probably not a major thing, probably not on purpose, but you'll get mad at me. Are you going to break up with me when I do?"

"I…" Raven says helplessly. He doesn't know, is the scary thing. He has no idea how he'll react when Lloyd does something to anger him. Shit.

Then Lloyd laughs, this sweet, amused chuckle that somehow wipes away Raven's anxiety. He finds himself soothed, almost against his will. "Babe, I have total faith that you'll get a grip on yourself when the time comes for it. You are so much more socially adept than you think you are. Just stop anticipating the worst, alright?"

Raven bites his thumbnail. It's a nervous habit that he was sure he'd grown out of. Apparently not. "Um…"

"I am so crazy about you," Lloyd says, grinning.

"Even though I'm a neurotic mess?" Raven says disbelievingly.

Lloyd shrugs. "What can I say? On you, it's endearing. Come here." He tugs Raven's hand and the redhead falls into his lap, not that he's protesting. Raven shifts so he's more comfortably strewn across Lloyd's thighs. "You just have to trust me. I promise I won't let you break up with me if I don't deserve it. Alright?"

"Okay," Raven agrees. He leans forward and kisses Lloyd, just to feel him there, so warm and firm. "Have I proven to you that I'm not perfect yet?"

Lloyd tips his head back and laughs. It echoes in Raven's empty house. "Yeah, yeah. If it makes you feel better, you're not perfect. I guess I'll have to live with that." He slides Raven off his lap and slaps his ass. "Now make my dinner, bitch."

"I may kill you," Raven says.

"My perfect little homicidal maniac," Lloyd smirks.

Raven considers this. "Yeah, I could settle for that," he muses aloud as he goes back to the stovetop.

Lloyd grins, big and bright.

It's pretty much the greatest feeling in the world, what Raven's experiencing right now.


End file.
